One more sleep...

Woo hoo - after three weeks of hubby being away there is only one more sleep left!

If I'm brutally honest, two weeks ago I was feeling quite ambivalent about his return. Years of being married to a global traveller has hardened me to the emotions that his absence causes, at least in the short term. What I  didn't quite anticipate is the strength of emotions that him being away for 3 weeks has stirred within me. To some extent it's been a taste of bereavement.

This time has been the toughest as his travels took him to places where internet and wireless connections were non existent.  Our communication has comprised of only 4 short skype conversations and 2 emails. Seeing as we have two teenage daughters our conversations consisted of filling each other in on their exploits and on the practicalities of our experiences. The funny and the sad eg. the cat stalking itself through the mirror and running into it……one of the girl's friends breaking her nose….GCSE revision detail and the fact I spring cleaned the house and have four empty drawers!

Not a lot to show for three weeks of life now I come to think of it.

Except…..after two weeks I realised that underlying the day to day there was a growing feeling of loneliness. It wasn't so much the fact I was missing the daily cups of tea faithfully delivered each morning with a 'Morning gorgeous'. It wasn't the fact I had to remember to take the right bins out on the right days or go to the tip with the excess rubbish. Nor was it because I had to fill and empty the dishwasher or do the ironing. Yes, you heard that right, my husband does the ironing. (Admittedly whilst watching football or sport of some sort but hey - he volunteers and I don't complain about it!)
The reason I have felt lonely is because I miss HIM. Not for what he does or doesn't do but for his presence. He is the one I love having by my side, my handsome, gifted, teasing, helpful, kind and faithful partner. We fit! After 27 years of 'fit' I've discovered in three weeks that this is more than living alongside each other, though at times we've been in danger of doing just that, it's being a part of each other. 'The two shall become one' is the biblical revelation and finally it seems I've woken up to this profound truth.

So with 'one more sleep' I eagerly anticipate his return. I have read and re read the last email he sent which expressed the sentiment 'I want to love you more and you to love me too - otherwise we are missing out!' I think he's gorgeous and I want to kiss him. He asked me to prepare and get ready to give each other more space and time for each other.

This blog has been motivated out of an excited heart resounding with a big YES -

bring it on!

Dreams and Giraffes!

I would never be confessing to the following dream but for the fact that since I had it I have been seeing giraffes everywhere!

A month or so ago I was mystified on waking up from a deep sleep to recall  having had the following peculiar dream.  I was leading a giraffe on a piece of string! Most of the dream was taken up with me walking around with it trying to find a building tall enough for us to go in. Eventually I found some warehouse structure and found a room with a tall enough ceiling. The giraffe then proceeded to reach up and started trying to eat the electric lights.

Bizarre I know!

When giraffes started being pasted on Facebook I began to wonder if maybe there was a message in the dream.  I pondered the significance and even 'fessed up by commenting on a thread about giraffes. Some commented on the fact that my heart and focus is with children - this next generation and that maybe the giraffe was symbolic of this ministry. They felt there were few places ready or with a high enough 'ceiling' to be able to accommodate what this might look like.

Yesterday I FINALLY discovered that there has been a riddle going on around FB. For the uninitiated it is as follows.

"It's 3 am and the doorbell wakes you up. Unexpected visitors, it's your parents and they are there for breakfast. You have strawberry jam, honey, wine, bread and cheese. What is the first thing you open?"

Apparently - if you get the answer wrong you are supposed to post a picture of a giraffe as your facebook status.  The 'right' answer is supposed to be 'the door'.

Due to the mystery of the dream and now this 'riddle' I pondered some more and was reminded that Jesus loved to talk in parables and riddles too. Suddenly I thought of the verse in revelation where He says 'Behold I stand at the door and knock'.  It struck me that many of us are so busy in ministry getting ready and often doing things for Jesus that we forget to open the door to Him first.

Thus my dream interpretation continues.  Maybe I've been getting it wrong and been so busy concentrating on the 'giraffe' the 'minstry/ the food on the table' that I've omitted to open the door to the one who it's all about.

And after that bomb shell .......... I await my next dream - Apparently the person who did the riddle is going to post one every Saturday - maybe next time I blog I will have dreamt of hippo's and flying pink saucers......sometimes best not to take yourself too seriously;-)

One of God's best secrets

From this small seed.......

.......to these sprouting 'babies'

Moringa - Tree of life
I am excited! I met George whilst annually attending my brother in laws football league cup final.  I was happy to be distracted from the tension of the game and became captivated by the story George told of a miracle tree known as the tree of life due to the reputation of it's leaves and seeds having healthy life giving properties. The MORINGA tree. Previous to taking the seeds George had begun to loose his hair,  had high blood pressure and a plethora of other ailments. He was now brimming with health and a walking testament to the benefits of taking one seed per day. He showed me the folder he had put together containing information gathered from various websites exhorting the benefits of the leaves and seeds. He was in the process of setting himself up in business shipping seeds from Ghana.

Since I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2007 and the consequent surgery and decision I made not to proceed with chemotherapy, I had taken a step of faith to choose to live in 'divine' health. That is - believing that through the power of Jesus and his death and resurrection, he has restored us to full and whole relationship with God enabling us to walk free of the need for pharmaceutical intervention. By God's grace I have walked healthily and whole since then.

That's not to say I've stopped taking responsibility to make healthy choices in my day to day living. Hence my delight when I heard about the amazing qualities of the leaves and seeds. It delighted me that God had created a tree with such properties, especially as it apparently grows prolifically in hot, dry places where malnutrition and ill health prevail and where the leaves and seeds are benefitting poorer communities.

My family have been laughing at my enthusiasm - especially when I got my first order through from George. 'What are you gonna do with 500 seeds?'  they marvelled. 'Who's going to buy them?' They joked that I had been taken in and fooled into believing a lot of codswallop.

Fact is - the more I've looked into it the more convinced I am and I don't want to keep this to myself. They arrived in packets of 50. A few packets I have given away. I planted a few more in an experimental way which has caused great derision! Though I must admit I did wonder if our unpredictable weather would kill the seeds within the first day of planting but hey, I am squealing with excitement today because since yesterdays first appearance of a seedling, 8 more have popped up! Not sure if they'll survive a British winter or indeed where I will plant them when they grow further but it's fun to see them grow.

So, if you fancy trying them out, do get in touch.....only 350 left.

PS Hmmm another thought strikes me - maybe I should also get into supplying Moringa seedlings seeing as they've germinated so well!

PPS  An additional bonus is the fact they're brilliant in support of weight loss. I've been dieting since Saturday and have lost 3 lbs already. (Now Tuesday!)

Perspectives - Woodpecker, kitten and YOU

Ever tried to resuscitate a wood pecker? 

Last evening, wearily back from a trip to London I was deeply impacted by a couple of incidents! 

Daughter no 1 had kindly offered to do the dinner and being a warm sunny evening I made the most of the offer by relaxing outside in the garden in an attempt to recover from the affects of sitting for hours on a delayed train. I was watching the birds and enjoying the beauty and peace of the space when all of a sudden someting flew into an upstairs window of the house. I was shocked and made my way over to the lifeless form of a young woodpecker laying on the patio below. The reflection of the garden in the glass must have confused it.

I wondered initially if it was merely stunned and as the family gathered to see what the fuss was about, we each took it in turns to try and resuscitate the tiny thing, praying it would revive. Sadly it had died. This upset me so much and I'm not sure why! We had been praying for resurrection and I had really expected it to come alive:-( The ancient book says that our Father sees the sparrow that falls to the ground and that these things are noted in heaven! I felt a deep compassion for this little bird and found myself shedding tears at the loss of life.

If that wasn't enough emotion for one evening, half an hour or so later I glanced up at the offending window whilst recalling the incident and was horrified to see that our kitten had somehow got upstairs, into one of the bedrooms and was perched 2 stories up precariously balanced on the same window ledge from which the bird had fallen. She was blinking down at us all eating our dinner in the garden below, looking disorientated and as if she was going to leap off at any minute! I immediately told daughter no.2 to go into the bedroom to try and coax her back inside and got hubby to stand below in case the kitten fell.The kitten had just about managed to turn itself around on the ledge, responding well to the coaxing when at the last minute she lost her balance! I watched her dropping spreadeagled  – straight into Brian's waiting arms!!!

Phew – what a hero!

My hero - fingers mark the spots - from there to ground!  

Next time he jests about getting rid of the kitten -  we won't believe him.

To sum up - I guess it's all about perspectives. 

Although sad at the loss of the baby woodpecker, how much more would we have been sad at the loss of our beloved kitten....and ...how much more than that.... if death had come to one of us?

The one who is 'all truth' says in the ancient book - 

"Two sparrows cost only a penny, but not even one of them can die without your Father's knowing it. God even knows how many hairs are on your head. So don't be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows."

Know today that YOU are precious and beloved.

 

Laughter IS the best medicine! Trifle bowls and amniotic fluid!

I've just come off the phone from speaking with my friend Sue. She manages to do it every time - makes me laugh from my belly. Our paths and stories have crossed over many years covering births, marriages and deaths - she finds the funny bone in all of them.

Just now she reminded me of the time we were doing a counselling course together and had been paired up to take turns sharing an emotional story. This was all very well but we had been told that on this occasion we weren't to look at each other - we had to share the stories back to back. Being in a room along with 20 + other pairs of trainee counsellors, it was quite a challenge not to be distracted.

One of the most emotionally challenging things I had ever been through was years of infertility and miscarriage so when I was finally in labour with my first daughter, it was a highly emotional experience.  I began telling Sue about the fact I was in the shower and suddenly felt water where there shouldn't have been - 'Sorry', interrupted Sue, 'can you repeat that?'. Being back to back in a room full of talking people was proving difficult! I didn't want to speak too loudly about the fact I thought my waters had broken. I repeated in a slightly louder voice and had her full attention - I explained about the fact that I felt I needed to check and see if it was me leaking or the shower head! I collected some of the fluid to see. Don't ask me why (or how!) but the only thing to hand was a trifle bowl. (As in sherry trifle - the desert ). As I explained this to Sue I felt her shoulders beginning to shake behind me, and then the humour of the situation hit me. 'Have you used the bowl since?' she asked and we both exploded in laughter, consequently unable to take anything else seriously - disrupting the whole counselling session with our irrepressible humour.

Sue is extraordinarily gifted at lightening situations. I'm not sure that she went on to be an official counsellor but in birth, marriage and death - she's good to have around!

PS -  Should you ever come to tea on a summers day and be offered trifle -  I can assure you, as lovely as my trifle bowl is, I haven't used it since!

Our Chinese take away

You can't really blame us. Hubby seems to have been away an awful lot so far this year. It's lonely without him. Our teenage girls do well to manage with both of us traipsing off here and there. A bit of stability is what they need....

So went the reasoning at the beginning of this week when our eldest was pining for a pet once again. What with that and pressure from daughter number two, who has been wanting a new pet since our rabbit passed away,  there was a motherly sense of needing to pacify them both.

We started surfing the web to see if there were any animals available near where we live. In previous conversations with hubby about getting a pet while he was away he had told us that if we ever got a puppy he wouldn't be coming home, so puppies were out of the question. He didn't specifically mentioned kittens, so when we saw the litter of kittens ready to be homed NOW and with only one left, my eldest phoned the contact number and arranged to see it.

The lady explained that she lived above a Chinese take away so when we arrived and couldn't find a doorbell we went around to the kitchen area where a chinese chef was doing lots of chopping. He told us in broken English that there was no one here. Puzzled, we asked again about seeing the kittens from upstairs..... he carried on chopping and ignored us.
By this stage the three of us were a little horrified - firstly at the fact we had pre arranged and had been let down and secondly by the confusion that seemed to surround us being there..... visions of kittens being chopped up and put into foil containers under the guise of chicken came to mind.

We left disappointed, every other possible avenue of getting a pet had also come to a dead end, perhaps we weren't meant to have a kitten after all!

Until...............
the Chinese lady rang back - profusely apologising that she had missed us. My eldest was quite verbal about the fact we had travelled all the way to visit them and what a waste of our time that had been, to which the lady offered to bring the kitten over to see us!

Within seconds of her arriving on the doorstep with the kitten in a pet carrier mewwing away we were smitten. The lady was insistent on showing us photo's of the kittens parentage when all we wanted was for her to let the poor thing our of it's cage.
 'Daddy .... persian, look see' (holding camera and showing photo's) meeeow 
 'yes' (me trying to be patient) meeeow
 'mother cat, she so beautiful' (carrying on scrolling through 30 or so more photo's) meeeow
 'yes' meeeow

Turns out she had 10 cats, 2 of which had a litter to the persian tom cat. I can't begin to imagine what the inside of her flat must have looked like. There was no need to ask the girls if they wanted this kitten. As soon as she escaped her cage she was purring and wanting to make friends. We agreed a price and the kitten was ours.
'What does she eat?'  I managed to ask before the lady left our house.
'Rice.....mixed with a little cat food' was the reply. I should have known.

And so we were left holding our very own small and lost looking kitten. What to call her?
Having suggested a plethora of names between us, when daughter number 2 came up with the final inspired suggestion  we all laughed and it was unanimous. The newest member of the Wilkinson clan is called Noodles.

'Noodles' joins the family

Transitions

Noun

The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.

Transitions are a process! Sometimes we have no control over the changes that happen around us. When we are not in control we can find ourselves fearful and resistant to change. Even when we are in control we can still find ourselves in moments of panic and uncertainty at the changes afoot.
 
Anyone who has given birth knows what it is to experience transition. For me it was that critical period of time when nothing seemed to to be happening. I was tired from riding the pain of contractions and all of a sudden there was a lull. Text book stuff! (Though I know not all women experience the same! )
Just when I was about to give birth I actually wanted to go to sleep! Maybe it was the exhaustion of the 9 months preparation, or maybe it was the drugs! Whatever it was, I had a strong urge to press the pause button, stop the world and get off!

Notionally I had accepted that we were going to have a child, we were happy with the transition from a couple of DINKY's (Dual income no kids yet) to being parents. The fact was we soon realised that we were on a roller coaster of change for which we had no control.
No control over the timing or date of birth, no control over the sex of our child, no control over the personality type of the child...... the preferences of our child....... the skills of our child.....and so on.

When we embark on a journey of change we mostly have no idea how things will turn out. The people we are in our teenage years often bear no resemblance to the adults we become. When we transition jobs we can end up being shaped and transformed into totally different people after a period of time. Ultimately it's to do with the way we react to change, whether we can embrace the 'pain' and the unknown that go hand in hand with changes and come out the other side enriched and expanded as people.

I have been working towards transition in my current role as consultant in an innovative company I have contracted to. As much as I love change I have still found myself in an uncomfortable place. There has been a 9 months research period which has involved writing strategic recommendations and now there is a lull whilst the strategy gets approval. At the this stage I have to confess the strong urge to press the pause button. I've worked hard towards strategising for change and now it's about to happen. There's no getting away from it, DELIVERY is imminent!

So my blogger friends I am currently procrastinating, writing a blog about it, distracting myself every which way and trying not to let the fears surface.  Remembering the lull of transition in the birth process I know what comes next. The time to push will come and after that the graft of those first few months of getting used to the new. Watch this space.