Beyond the FB headlines...

Beyond FB, for most of us, there's a back story that the rest of the world doesn't get to hear. People's stories can appear 'rosie' perfect and we can be forgiven for thinking everyone else's lives are problem free and its only us who go through STUFF! 

Today as we celebrate our eldest daughter's 20th birthday I invite you beyond the FB status!

We put off having children for a number of years after marriage. When we decided it was a ‘convenient’ time we were perturbed to discover it wasn’t that easy. After a few years of enjoying the trying, our efforts to conceive became a chore. So much started to hang on the monthly cycles and as a woman it seemed my whole identity hung in the balance. The old lie, that God was somehow punishing me for my wayward years, and that I didn’t deserve children, reared it’s head.

Funnily enough it was a ‘mothers day’ when I did finally did a pregnancy test which showed positive. I was overjoyed! That day also happened to coincide with Briza being commissioned as an elder in our church. Gerald Coates, a well known prophetic church leader, was speaking and to our amazement signaled me out for prayer. Knowing nothing of our circumstance or desire for a baby he began to prophecy the word ‘mother’ over me. I was blown away by the poignancy of the word and treasured it in my heart. That prophecy ended up carrying me through the following miscarriage and subsequent loss of 4 more babies! These were difficult years when I struggled with issues of faith and self worth. Despite the emotional pain of loss I pushed past the temptation to think I was being punished and pressed into believing that God still remained GOOD and full of love and mercy towards me. It’s the world we live in that’s in a mess with HIM. He never leaves us. I learned that as we do that, flowers spring up in desert places. The barren land of infertility and miscarriage actually became fertile soil for the pleasurable plans that Father God purposed for Brian and I.

After our fourth miscarriage where I had ended up hospitalized I decided to lay down all the hopes and dreams of ever having a child and collated all the poems and songs I had written whilst processing the pain of the journey.

My 1995 new year’s resolution was to produce a sacrifice offering of praise and worship in the form of a compilation of songs. A music producer friend agreed to collaborate in the project and at the end of that year I finished the final vocals breathless due to a 9 month old baby pushing up into my diaphragm. Our precious baby was born a week later and a week early, which was a relief because I had joked that if she was born on Christmas day - her due date – I’d have had to call her Jesus! Instead we named her Melody Faith, our song of faith.

When tough things happen there’s always a battle goes on in our minds whether to think negative thoughts and spiral downwards or whether to believe the best. If we look at life’s stuff through the grid of believing that we are loved by the God of the universe then whilst we may have questions, the outcome of our thoughts will always lead us into recovery and often with some wonderful and unexpected surprises along the way.

SCRIPTURE: Jeremiah 29 v 11 

'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Eternal, 'plans for peace and not evil, to give you a future and hope - never forget that…...'

'SIRI' - seeing the divine in the ridiculous

The other day I spent a morning listening to a video on You tube which had me truly inspired. It was about the courts of heaven and had me captivated by the love and justice of God. At one critical point the video froze and I cogitated on the revelation that had just enlightened me. I decided to use the interim time as an opportunity to pray and thank God for His goodness and amazing love. I must have accidentally pressed my phone when suddenly I was interrupted by the voice of 'Siri' who I must have unknowingly activated during my ecstatic musings and verbal thanksgivings.
"It's nice to have one's worth appreciated" was the computerised voice that interrupted my ecstasy.

WOW! The humour and kindness of Jesus struck me…....I haven't laughed so much in an age and was immediately inspired to want to blog this moment for posterity.

Transition time again - we're moving!

It may come as a surprise to those of you who know us, and know our current house situation, that after  nearly 15 years of living in the same house, we're about to move! We're currently located in a beautifully quaint village a cycle ride down hill to the centre of Oxford. The local primary and secondary school have been within walking distance and have served us well over the last 13 years. I have fond memories of trekking the children to school in both snow and sun, on hazy summer days and freezing winters. (OK…I admit to occasionally defrosting and taking the car!)

We live in the most neighbourly of neighbourhoods in the most positive sense of the meaning. We have watched the elderly on both sides of our house move on and welcomed families with young children in place of them. One such family brought with them a daughter who has remained a life long friend of our daughters……and us! We bought our house as a three bedroom dwelling and designed our dream home around it's footprint, ending up with a four bedroom home with large kitchen diner suitable for our requirements. We initially moved to the village because of the church that met in the local primary school, this small church became our spiritual anchor for many years and was a critical support to our young and growing family, initially as foster carers and then as Bri and I ended up travelling with work so much. 

Two years ago the season changed for us. For a number of reasons our local church dispersed and Brian's job began to entail even more travel. I became restless in the village sensing it was time to move on. There was very little holding me there any more as the relationships I had began to value and nurture were with people who lived more towards the other side of Oxford. I believed 'prophetically' that this was a new season and I became frustrated that whenever I mentioned moving to the family they remained unanimously antagonistic towards the idea. In frustration and feeling utterly 'stuck' I turned to Jesus in prayer. I believed that I was sensing rightly that it was time to move on.  

I felt the answer to my prayer was that I should begin to process the 'prophetic' and do the one thing I could do and that was to begin to clear out the house! I worked systematically through each of the rooms de cluttering with the expectation that at some point we would be moving. This was a 'win, win' moment for Brian and I as he was delighted that I was giving time to clearing out the house and every room was a step nearer to a new home in my mind. After three to four months of doing this I felt I had done as much as I could and went back to the prayer closet to ask what next as there had been no movement on behalf of my family towards the idea of going anywhere! I felt the next stage was to begin actually looking at properties.

The looking took a long time…..mostly because I was never quite sure of where we would be relocating to or what type of house would meet our requirements. Ultimately, as I'm sure you're aware, it's not about a house but rather the home one would be looking to create. What sort of home would we be making? With the girls now adults there was likelihood that Brian and I could be on our own in a year or two. Did we want a home as a retreat place for others? In which case a country retreat would suit the bill, or did we want to be near the city and closer to where our relationships and work were based? These were a few of the very sensible questions Brian posed as he tried to resist the idea of a move. Our 'discussions' around this became heated at times and I sensed my husband's despair every time I'd approach the subject or try and persuade him to view a property with me.

Whilst I never actually found anywhere that ticked boxes for me (whatever those boxes might have been!) I couldn't shake off that sense that our current home wasn't the place.

I believe the breakthrough occured as I began to see our move as a potential family project. I started to appeal to Brian's DIY skills, suggesting that a move might be a great opportunity for Brian and I to create something together. For the first time he seemed more open to the idea. The girls too were beginning to think that change might be a good thing. Finally in February this year I spotted a property in East Oxford that showed great promise. The house was described as a 'low level' detached with garden. In other words - a bungalow with two upstairs bedrooms for the vertically challenged. By this time I had let go of the sense of extreme urgency to move and had become resigned to having to take my time until everyone was on the same page! I arranged to view the property prior to Brian and I having some significant travels throughout February and decided that if it was still on the market when we returned I would persuade him to come and look at it with me.

Cutting the story short - the property was still on the market and it's suitability as an investment was not lost on Brian who had become surprisingly even more open to the idea. We decided to make a lowish offer to 'test' the water. By the end of that day we found ourselves the potential owners of a new home dependant on us selling our house.  The second 'test' of the water came as we then put our property onto the market for a higher amount than we had originally anticipated on the recommendation of the estate agent. Unbelievably the house went on the market on the Saturday and by the Monday we had two good offers on the table. Another factor that has made this move seem 'sweet' at this moment is that one of our daughters, who would need to travel to school to finish her A levels next year, has just passed her driving test! 

Last week we had our house leaving party for the neighbours. Maybe a little premature in that  everything is still in the hands of the solicitors and we haven't officially exchanged yet, but we knew that some neighbours were going to be away and we didn't want to suddenly disappear without acknowledging and saying a thank you and good bye to the neighbourhood. 

In terms of this next season? Brian and I will have our work cut out for a while as we remodel part of the house into an annexe, (potential space for ageing relatives.) The good news is that the large kitchen and separate large living area is already 'good to go' as a social space for extended 'family' gatherings. The garage will suffice as a teenage study/living space for the moment until we can eventually do a side extension to raise the roof and make the upstairs bedrooms more habitable. A huge bonus for Brian is that he will no longer have to cycle up hill on his way back from work as our new home is virtually off the same road as his office. We're also a short walk from the Thames path and are looking forward to walks into the centre of town and being part of the eclectic mix of life in East Oxford. I'm excited, if a little nervous at this stage…..what started as a prophetic nudge is finally about to become a reality!

PS

Here's a couple of additional bits of info for the benefit of those who know me and my love of numbers and 'coincidences' so well…...

The property came onto the market on the day of my birthday last year:-)

We have been married 27 years and our house number will be 27.