Beyond FB, for most of us, there's a back story that the rest of the world doesn't get to hear. People's stories can appear 'rosie' perfect and we can be forgiven for thinking everyone else's lives are problem free and its only us who go through STUFF!
Today as we celebrate our eldest daughter's 20th birthday I invite you beyond the FB status!
We put off having children for a number of years after marriage. When we
decided it was a ‘convenient’ time we were perturbed to discover it wasn’t that
easy. After a few years of enjoying the trying, our efforts to conceive became a
chore. So much started to hang on the monthly cycles and as a woman it seemed
my whole identity hung in the balance. The old lie, that God was somehow punishing me for my wayward years, and that I didn’t deserve children, reared it’s head.
Funnily enough it was a ‘mothers day’ when I did finally did a pregnancy test
which showed positive. I was overjoyed! That day also happened to coincide
with Briza being commissioned as an elder in our church. Gerald Coates, a well
known prophetic church leader, was speaking and to our amazement signaled
me out for prayer. Knowing nothing of our circumstance or desire for a baby he
began to prophecy the word ‘mother’ over me. I was blown away by the
poignancy of the word and treasured it in my heart. That prophecy ended up
carrying me through the following miscarriage and subsequent loss of 4 more
babies! These were difficult years when I struggled with issues of faith and self
worth. Despite the emotional pain of loss I pushed past the temptation to think I
was being punished and pressed into believing that God still remained GOOD and
full of love and mercy towards me. It’s the world we live in that’s in a mess with
HIM. He never leaves us. I learned that as we do that, flowers spring up in desert
places. The barren land of infertility and miscarriage actually became fertile soil
for the pleasurable plans that Father God purposed for Brian and I.
After our fourth miscarriage where I had ended up hospitalized I decided to lay
down all the hopes and dreams of ever having a child and collated all the poems
and songs I had written whilst processing the pain of the journey.
My 1995 new year’s resolution was to produce a sacrifice offering of praise and
worship in the form of a compilation of songs. A music producer friend agreed to
collaborate in the project and at the end of that year I finished the final vocals
breathless due to a 9 month old baby pushing up into my diaphragm. Our
precious baby was born a week later and a week early, which was a relief
because I had joked that if she was born on Christmas day - her due date – I’d
have had to call her Jesus! Instead we named her Melody Faith, our song of faith.
When tough things happen there’s always a battle goes on in our minds whether
to think negative thoughts and spiral downwards or whether to believe the best.
If we look at life’s stuff through the grid of believing that we are loved by the God
of the universe then whilst we may have questions, the outcome of our thoughts
will always lead us into recovery and often with some wonderful and unexpected
surprises along the way.
SCRIPTURE:
Jeremiah 29 v 11
'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Eternal, 'plans for peace and not evil, to give you a future and hope - never forget that…...'
