There are many and varied reasons that people choose to become foster carers. As a qualified teacher and nurse who had relocated with hubby when he took on the role of operations director for a charity working internationally with children at risk, we decided to look into the situation of children at risk on our doorstep. At the time our own children were babies and seeing as I wasn't keen on leaving them with child minders we were in a position to open up our family to children who needed to be loved and looked after alongside our own. For hubby, being a pragmatic type of bloke it made total sense that this would become a 'job for me and being at heart a 'mother' it suited me down to the ground. I couldn't have been happier, I got to stay at home and be available physically and emotionally to the needs of the household. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that people would perceive this and us as being 'do gooders'!
Have you ever heard the description 'do gooder' used in a positive context? I can't recall once hearing the term used positively about anyone. I was interested to read a newspaper article with the headline 'NOBODY LIKES A DO-GOODER! It goes someway towards explaining why I've never heard the term used as a compliment or received it as such!
'They probably think their selfless behaviour makes them popular but the truth about 'do-gooders' is nobody really likes them, according to new research.
A series of studies found that those who volunteer to take on unwanted tasks or who hand out gifts without being prompted, quickly alienate themselves.
Psychologists believe this is because it makes the rest of us feel guilty and puts pressure on us to behave in an equally selfless fashion.
Researchers say do-gooders come to be resented because they 'raise the bar' for what is expected of everyone.
It suggests that people might want to think twice before waxing lyrical about their charity work or volunteering to put in extra hours at the office.
Social psychologist Professor Craig Parks said: 'The fear is that this new standard will make everyone else look bad.
'It doesn't matter that the overall welfare of the group is better served by someone's unselfish behaviour.
'What is objectively good, we see as subjectively bad.'
This blog has been prompted by something that happened the other day. At the moment we look after a little boy one weekend a month in order to give his full time foster carer a bit of respite. We have many wonderful friends who embrace us and the children we look after and I had taken this little boy to one of these friends houses. He was 'exploring' when he happened to walk into a room where two elderly ladies were having a chat. I quickly followed in order to distract and extract him from their conversation, sensing that he wasn't appreciated! As I stood there with my arms around around the little chap, the elder of the two women remarked 'Oh you're doing your 'good' again Chrissie?' I admit it floored me. First that she should think that about the fact we love and care for children who through no fault of their own end up in vulnerable positions, and second because she said it in front of him, like we were doing something he maybe didn't deserve!
I've pondered this since and have taken a long hard look at my own motivations for looking after children. I've come to the conclusion that many people view foster carers as saints. I have to admit we've certainly met some remarkable people looking after children who genuinely love and devote themselves to the care of others at great expense to themselves.
The key for me and my heart motivations can be found in the ancient book
Micah 6 v 8
'God has shown you O man, what is good. and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?'
Jesus Himself answered similarly when asked what was the most important commandment - Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind, body and soul and to love our neighbour as ourselves.
I'm no saint - the love that I draw on in order to unconditionally love these children comes from the heart of the Father and comes from being a follower of Jesus not of myself! I'm thankful to God that He has given His Holy Spirit who is my counsellor, guide and friend. I have found human love to be bankrupt - I believe this is why we so often find it hard when we see other people 'doing good' because it exposes the bankrupt nature of our own hearts. Human love is not enough. I think this is why we view people who do things we couldn't as 'saints' - for the true nature of a follower of Christ is saint like!
In my heart I am no different to the elderly woman who viewed me as a do-gooder. Human nature is inclined towards comfort and self gratification, and I admit that leaning, however when our human nature turns towards it's creator, we become extraordinarily life giving, loving, joyous and bringers of peace in the world. Don't be fooled! In and of myself I'm no do-gooder but I do follow the one who is ALL GOOD so may appear saintlike at times! What's amazing is that God has given us HELP in the form of His Holy Spirit so that we can become glorious SAINTS! Only God knows our true heart motivations!
