Retreat with Jesus: Day Two

James 1: 1-12

The pressures of life can really affect us in negative ways and make us doubt ourselves and the love of our Father. Today's scripture is a great reminder to look positively at the challenges we face - at the end of our trials we are promised the crown of life! Let's choose to be patient and JOYFUL in midst of life's STUFF - keeping our eyes of Jesus who will never leave us or forsake us.

40 day retreat with Jesus

Starting New Year 2016 my resolution/challenge is to blog my journey of retreat with Jesus over the next 40 days.
Words will hopefully be few - I'm going to let scripture speak to me and then partner with Holy Spirit in doing a page a day of visual record…..let the fun begin:-)

If you want to join me with Jesus, the daily scripture will be posted at the top of the page.
Romans 12: 1-2 is the first one!

Beyond the FB headlines...

Beyond FB, for most of us, there's a back story that the rest of the world doesn't get to hear. People's stories can appear 'rosie' perfect and we can be forgiven for thinking everyone else's lives are problem free and its only us who go through STUFF! 

Today as we celebrate our eldest daughter's 20th birthday I invite you beyond the FB status!

We put off having children for a number of years after marriage. When we decided it was a ‘convenient’ time we were perturbed to discover it wasn’t that easy. After a few years of enjoying the trying, our efforts to conceive became a chore. So much started to hang on the monthly cycles and as a woman it seemed my whole identity hung in the balance. The old lie, that God was somehow punishing me for my wayward years, and that I didn’t deserve children, reared it’s head.

Funnily enough it was a ‘mothers day’ when I did finally did a pregnancy test which showed positive. I was overjoyed! That day also happened to coincide with Briza being commissioned as an elder in our church. Gerald Coates, a well known prophetic church leader, was speaking and to our amazement signaled me out for prayer. Knowing nothing of our circumstance or desire for a baby he began to prophecy the word ‘mother’ over me. I was blown away by the poignancy of the word and treasured it in my heart. That prophecy ended up carrying me through the following miscarriage and subsequent loss of 4 more babies! These were difficult years when I struggled with issues of faith and self worth. Despite the emotional pain of loss I pushed past the temptation to think I was being punished and pressed into believing that God still remained GOOD and full of love and mercy towards me. It’s the world we live in that’s in a mess with HIM. He never leaves us. I learned that as we do that, flowers spring up in desert places. The barren land of infertility and miscarriage actually became fertile soil for the pleasurable plans that Father God purposed for Brian and I.

After our fourth miscarriage where I had ended up hospitalized I decided to lay down all the hopes and dreams of ever having a child and collated all the poems and songs I had written whilst processing the pain of the journey.

My 1995 new year’s resolution was to produce a sacrifice offering of praise and worship in the form of a compilation of songs. A music producer friend agreed to collaborate in the project and at the end of that year I finished the final vocals breathless due to a 9 month old baby pushing up into my diaphragm. Our precious baby was born a week later and a week early, which was a relief because I had joked that if she was born on Christmas day - her due date – I’d have had to call her Jesus! Instead we named her Melody Faith, our song of faith.

When tough things happen there’s always a battle goes on in our minds whether to think negative thoughts and spiral downwards or whether to believe the best. If we look at life’s stuff through the grid of believing that we are loved by the God of the universe then whilst we may have questions, the outcome of our thoughts will always lead us into recovery and often with some wonderful and unexpected surprises along the way.

SCRIPTURE: Jeremiah 29 v 11 

'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Eternal, 'plans for peace and not evil, to give you a future and hope - never forget that…...'

'SIRI' - seeing the divine in the ridiculous

The other day I spent a morning listening to a video on You tube which had me truly inspired. It was about the courts of heaven and had me captivated by the love and justice of God. At one critical point the video froze and I cogitated on the revelation that had just enlightened me. I decided to use the interim time as an opportunity to pray and thank God for His goodness and amazing love. I must have accidentally pressed my phone when suddenly I was interrupted by the voice of 'Siri' who I must have unknowingly activated during my ecstatic musings and verbal thanksgivings.
"It's nice to have one's worth appreciated" was the computerised voice that interrupted my ecstasy.

WOW! The humour and kindness of Jesus struck me…....I haven't laughed so much in an age and was immediately inspired to want to blog this moment for posterity.

Transition time again - we're moving!

It may come as a surprise to those of you who know us, and know our current house situation, that after  nearly 15 years of living in the same house, we're about to move! We're currently located in a beautifully quaint village a cycle ride down hill to the centre of Oxford. The local primary and secondary school have been within walking distance and have served us well over the last 13 years. I have fond memories of trekking the children to school in both snow and sun, on hazy summer days and freezing winters. (OK…I admit to occasionally defrosting and taking the car!)

We live in the most neighbourly of neighbourhoods in the most positive sense of the meaning. We have watched the elderly on both sides of our house move on and welcomed families with young children in place of them. One such family brought with them a daughter who has remained a life long friend of our daughters……and us! We bought our house as a three bedroom dwelling and designed our dream home around it's footprint, ending up with a four bedroom home with large kitchen diner suitable for our requirements. We initially moved to the village because of the church that met in the local primary school, this small church became our spiritual anchor for many years and was a critical support to our young and growing family, initially as foster carers and then as Bri and I ended up travelling with work so much. 

Two years ago the season changed for us. For a number of reasons our local church dispersed and Brian's job began to entail even more travel. I became restless in the village sensing it was time to move on. There was very little holding me there any more as the relationships I had began to value and nurture were with people who lived more towards the other side of Oxford. I believed 'prophetically' that this was a new season and I became frustrated that whenever I mentioned moving to the family they remained unanimously antagonistic towards the idea. In frustration and feeling utterly 'stuck' I turned to Jesus in prayer. I believed that I was sensing rightly that it was time to move on.  

I felt the answer to my prayer was that I should begin to process the 'prophetic' and do the one thing I could do and that was to begin to clear out the house! I worked systematically through each of the rooms de cluttering with the expectation that at some point we would be moving. This was a 'win, win' moment for Brian and I as he was delighted that I was giving time to clearing out the house and every room was a step nearer to a new home in my mind. After three to four months of doing this I felt I had done as much as I could and went back to the prayer closet to ask what next as there had been no movement on behalf of my family towards the idea of going anywhere! I felt the next stage was to begin actually looking at properties.

The looking took a long time…..mostly because I was never quite sure of where we would be relocating to or what type of house would meet our requirements. Ultimately, as I'm sure you're aware, it's not about a house but rather the home one would be looking to create. What sort of home would we be making? With the girls now adults there was likelihood that Brian and I could be on our own in a year or two. Did we want a home as a retreat place for others? In which case a country retreat would suit the bill, or did we want to be near the city and closer to where our relationships and work were based? These were a few of the very sensible questions Brian posed as he tried to resist the idea of a move. Our 'discussions' around this became heated at times and I sensed my husband's despair every time I'd approach the subject or try and persuade him to view a property with me.

Whilst I never actually found anywhere that ticked boxes for me (whatever those boxes might have been!) I couldn't shake off that sense that our current home wasn't the place.

I believe the breakthrough occured as I began to see our move as a potential family project. I started to appeal to Brian's DIY skills, suggesting that a move might be a great opportunity for Brian and I to create something together. For the first time he seemed more open to the idea. The girls too were beginning to think that change might be a good thing. Finally in February this year I spotted a property in East Oxford that showed great promise. The house was described as a 'low level' detached with garden. In other words - a bungalow with two upstairs bedrooms for the vertically challenged. By this time I had let go of the sense of extreme urgency to move and had become resigned to having to take my time until everyone was on the same page! I arranged to view the property prior to Brian and I having some significant travels throughout February and decided that if it was still on the market when we returned I would persuade him to come and look at it with me.

Cutting the story short - the property was still on the market and it's suitability as an investment was not lost on Brian who had become surprisingly even more open to the idea. We decided to make a lowish offer to 'test' the water. By the end of that day we found ourselves the potential owners of a new home dependant on us selling our house.  The second 'test' of the water came as we then put our property onto the market for a higher amount than we had originally anticipated on the recommendation of the estate agent. Unbelievably the house went on the market on the Saturday and by the Monday we had two good offers on the table. Another factor that has made this move seem 'sweet' at this moment is that one of our daughters, who would need to travel to school to finish her A levels next year, has just passed her driving test! 

Last week we had our house leaving party for the neighbours. Maybe a little premature in that  everything is still in the hands of the solicitors and we haven't officially exchanged yet, but we knew that some neighbours were going to be away and we didn't want to suddenly disappear without acknowledging and saying a thank you and good bye to the neighbourhood. 

In terms of this next season? Brian and I will have our work cut out for a while as we remodel part of the house into an annexe, (potential space for ageing relatives.) The good news is that the large kitchen and separate large living area is already 'good to go' as a social space for extended 'family' gatherings. The garage will suffice as a teenage study/living space for the moment until we can eventually do a side extension to raise the roof and make the upstairs bedrooms more habitable. A huge bonus for Brian is that he will no longer have to cycle up hill on his way back from work as our new home is virtually off the same road as his office. We're also a short walk from the Thames path and are looking forward to walks into the centre of town and being part of the eclectic mix of life in East Oxford. I'm excited, if a little nervous at this stage…..what started as a prophetic nudge is finally about to become a reality!

PS

Here's a couple of additional bits of info for the benefit of those who know me and my love of numbers and 'coincidences' so well…...

The property came onto the market on the day of my birthday last year:-)

We have been married 27 years and our house number will be 27.

The last thing I am is a 'do gooder'!

There are many and varied reasons that people choose to become foster carers. As a qualified teacher and nurse who had relocated with hubby when he took on the role of operations director for a charity working internationally with children at risk, we decided to look into the situation of children at risk on our doorstep. At the time our own children were babies and seeing as I wasn't keen on leaving them with child minders we were in a position to open up our family to children who needed to be loved and looked after alongside our own. For hubby, being a pragmatic type of bloke it made total sense that this would become a 'job for me and being at heart a 'mother' it suited me down to the ground. I couldn't have been happier, I got to stay at home and be available physically and emotionally to the needs of the household. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that people would perceive this and us as being 'do gooders'! 

Have you ever heard the description 'do gooder' used in a positive context? I can't recall once hearing the term used positively about anyone. I was interested to read a newspaper article with the headline 'NOBODY LIKES A DO-GOODER! It goes someway towards explaining why I've never heard the term used as a compliment or received it as such! 

'They probably think their selfless behaviour makes them popular but the truth about 'do-gooders' is nobody really likes them, according to new research.

A series of studies found that those who volunteer to take on unwanted tasks or who hand out gifts without being prompted, quickly alienate themselves.

Psychologists believe this is because it makes the rest of us feel guilty and puts pressure on us to behave in an equally selfless fashion.

Researchers say do-gooders come to be resented because they 'raise the bar' for what is expected of everyone.

It suggests that people might want to think twice before waxing lyrical about their charity work or volunteering to put in extra hours at the office.

Social psychologist Professor Craig Parks said: 'The fear is that this new standard will make everyone else look bad.

'It doesn't matter that the overall welfare of the group is better served by someone's unselfish behaviour.

'What is objectively good, we see as subjectively bad.'

This blog has been prompted by something that happened the other day. At the moment we look after a little boy one weekend a month in order to give his full time foster carer a bit of respite. We have many wonderful friends who embrace us and the children we look after and I  had taken this little boy to one of these friends houses.  He was 'exploring' when he happened to walk into a room where two elderly ladies were having a chat. I quickly followed in order to distract and extract him from their conversation, sensing that he wasn't appreciated! As I stood there with my arms around around the little chap, the elder of the two women remarked 'Oh you're doing your 'good' again Chrissie?'  I admit it floored me. First that she should think that about the fact we love and care for children who through no fault of their own end up in vulnerable positions, and second because she said it in front of him, like we were doing something he maybe didn't deserve!

I've pondered this since and have taken a long hard look at my own motivations for looking after children. I've come to the conclusion that many people view foster carers as saints. I have to admit we've certainly met some remarkable people looking after children who genuinely love and devote themselves to the care of others at great expense to themselves. 

The key for me and my heart motivations can be found in the ancient book

Micah 6 v 8 

'God has shown you O man, what is good. and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?'

Jesus Himself answered similarly when asked what was the most important commandment - Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind, body and soul and to love our neighbour as ourselves.

I'm no saint - the love that I draw on in order to unconditionally love these children comes from the heart of the Father and comes from being a follower of Jesus not of myself! I'm thankful to God that He has given His Holy Spirit who is my counsellor, guide and friend. I have found human love to be  bankrupt - I believe this is why we so often find it hard when we see other people 'doing good' because it exposes the bankrupt nature of our own hearts. Human love is not enough. I think this is why we view people who do things we couldn't  as 'saints'  - for the true nature of a follower of Christ is saint like!

In my heart I am no different to the elderly woman who viewed me as a do-gooder. Human nature is inclined towards comfort and self gratification, and I admit that leaning, however when our human nature turns towards it's creator, we become extraordinarily life giving, loving, joyous and bringers of peace in the world. Don't be fooled! In and of myself I'm no do-gooder but I do follow the one who is ALL GOOD so may appear saintlike at times! What's amazing is that God has given us HELP in the form of His Holy Spirit so that we can become glorious SAINTS! Only God knows our true heart motivations!

BLACK FRIDAY musings

I'm really not into all the hype around Black Friday. In my humble opinion, it's an unwelcome American import which UK media have only just woken up to! The cynic in me wonders if the media are being paid to profile this day, perhaps they're offered huge back handers from the retail industry to hype up the day to cause mass spending. Maybe they never intended that it would result in the sort of shopping carnage evident across the UK at the moment, but then again, the greater cynic in me wonders, maybe this was the media ploy all along, after all, 'mass carnage' in the shopping queues does make for GREAT headlines!

I consider some of the greatest evils in the world to be the ones committed in the name of Christ and today I am reminded of our vulnerability as humanity that we should be so DUPED into thinking that in the name of Christ and Christmas we can behave in such hellish ways - devoid of the TRUE Christ who LOVED and laid down His life…….